LILY’S RANDOM THOUGHTS ON AGING…

♥LILY’S RANDOM THOUGHTS ON AGING♥

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

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Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. 

We haven’t met yet!

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I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

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I don’t need anger management. 

I need people to stop pissing me off!

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Old age is coming at a really bad time!

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Heat expands, so technically, I’m not fat, I’m just VERY hot.

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When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment …

Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

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The biggest lie I tell myself is …

“I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

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Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

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I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.

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My people skills are just fine. 

It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

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Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

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If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

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The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. 

I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

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I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. 

Not sure what I’ll do the second week.

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When did it change from “We the people” to “Screw the people”?

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I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure my kids took it!

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Even duct tape can’t fix stupid …

It can, however,  muffle the sound!

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Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone from India or Pakistan anyway?

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Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

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At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

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Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?

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6 responses to “LILY’S RANDOM THOUGHTS ON AGING…

  1. Yes to all of those and I’ll add: Age has given me the right to not tolerate stupidity without smacking you upside the head, so please do not speak 🙂

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